Considerations on Departure – a personal introspection

It’s almost here…that big day of departure that always comes with such excitement. But this time, it’s a little more complicated! 

In early January when we first moved ahead with our plans for an extended stay, the countdown began. But you know how it is…”three months from now” seems like a long time. Until it doesn’t! And here we are, just four mere days from heading towards the Delta terminal at San Antonio International Airport, newly procured large rolling duffels pleasantly full (or maybe grotesquely full) and anticipation over the top. 

Over the years, our frequent trips to Italy have been like our therapy…a focus, a thing to look forward to, a tremor of underlying excitement that made the daily stressors seem less aggravating…and so on. Yet we always knew the two or three or —  even one time — five weeks would fly by in no time, our planning for the next trip commencing on the flight back home. 

This time it’s different. We are going for almost three months; we are seeking less a vacation mode and more a living there approach; we have to pack with a different mindset — and then there is the emotional factor. “Well sure you’re excited and all that…”, you might say. But there’s something else going down that I did anticipate, but now that I’m wearing it, oh my goodness. 

Yes, I/we are beyond excited about this adventure, as well as so aware of how fortunate we are to get to do this. But there is a glaze of guilt…or is it sentiment…or maybe just that we’ve never been so far away for so long. 

There is a bit of a sense of “abandoning” family, friends, and yes…the cat. Sure, all of those contingents will be just fine without us, lest I make it sound like we’re something more than we are…ha! But it’s more the relational thing; here at home I make the effort to be real-time connected with friends groups. I’m known as the social organizer, and I love it! I make sure I get down to see my dear mother and family on the coast at least every five weeks, give or take. 

The fact that my mother is 91 is definitely a “thing”, too. I’m so blessed to have her, and I am feeling more guilt than I anticipated about losing these weeks of being with her in person, cooking for her, chatting, taking her where she needs to go, and just being in her presence. As I write this, I think I just pricked the emotional bubble that I’ve been dealing with this past week. Ah! The importance of writing what we’re feeling, why yes. 

So yes, there is a lot to consider, a lot to prepare here at home (all of which is underway), and so much to look forward to with incredible anticipation and excitement. I really am over the moon about having the chance to try on Italy as a potential home-for-awhile! The other side of the big emotions that have visited me recently are the thoughts that layer with the anticipation…the looking forward to all of the new memories we will make, all of the new friends we’ve yet to meet, the life rhythms we will be so fortunate to be allowed to be a part of, all of the discoveries both in the outside world and within. 

It’s a beautiful thing and I feel so fortunate. And certainly not so surprising to feel, as well, the swirl of emotions that go with it.